


the finer art of picking up dudes

by triplestar



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Awkward Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 00:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3748321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplestar/pseuds/triplestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A funeral is a really, really bad place to try to get laid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the finer art of picking up dudes

It’s raining, of course. If there’s one thing every five-dollar Blockbuster rental on earth has taught Black☆Star, it’s that funerals and rain are as inextricably tied as cheap hotels and showers that just don’t fucking work. That’s a bad comparison. He’s just really wishing he’d gotten a chance to clean himself up before running into a professional model. That’s what the guy is, right? Legs for days, face like a skin-care ad, and damn if the dreary grey lighting under a hastily-erected canvas tent isn’t doing wonders for his cheekbones. Definitely model material. 

Obviously he can’t just walk up to the guy during the eulogies ( Maka’s giving hers right now; it’d probably be more emotional if she’d actually _known_ the dead dude ), so he’s stuck fidgeting in his seat like a hyperactive six-year old, fussing with his hair and readjusting his tie over and over again. His suit’s a rental, if ‘rental’ meant something that you paid your best friend five dollars to borrow in desperate hopes of not looking like complete shit. The owner, a scrawny albino kid sitting two rows down from him, hadn’t given much of a thought to how the physique of a muscular boxer squeezing into clothes meant for his twiggy ass would stretch the fabric, and in this case, Black☆Star’s grateful for the lack of foresight. His body’s just about all he’s got going for him in the area of seduction.

The casket isn’t lowered into the grave for another agonizing two hours of speeches and polite tears. Slowly and hesitantly, the gathered crowd gets to their feet, each very obviously hoping that they’re not being rude. There’s a faint ruffling of coats and clicking of heels on pavement as the masses make their way to the cars parked just outside the cemetery, leaving but a few stragglers behind. Black☆Star has to stifle a laugh when he notices Soul still asleep in the third row, Maka’s aggravated shaking of his shoulders doing nothing to rouse him from slumber. But his humor fades in seconds and suddenly he’s rising to his feet, ignoring his best friend and making for the front row because the hot one’s still here.

Graveside flirtation isn’t an art that many have the opportunity or guts to attempt. It’s objectively a bad idea, actually. Not that that’s gonna stop him.

Black☆Star approaches the dark-haired man with little grace, cursing under his breath as he comes within inches of knocking his chair over. There’s no response from the object of his affections, however, so best to just cross his fingers and hope he hasn’t blown it yet. Up close, he notices three jagged streaks of white running through the man’s hair, tucked back behind his ear and affixed with a small clip. It’s kinda cute, really. Running a hand through his hair in hopes of achieving an artful tousle, Black☆Star coughs awkwardly. 

Oh shit.

Oh shit, the hot guy’s looking right at him and _damn_ , those have to be contacts or something because there’s no way that this jackass has naturally golden eyes. Not even hazel or light brown, actually bright fucking gold, intense and piercing and really, _really_ hot.

“Uh…”

Too late, Black☆Star realizes he’s been staring. His jaw snaps shut ( god, he hopes he wasn’t drooling ) and he adjusts his tie with anxious fingers, going through the motions of one who is nervous as all hell but attempting to regain his composure anyway. He half succeeds.

“Um… so. Hey.”

He extends a hand to the man currently giving him one of the most polished ‘you’re-kind-of-weird-but-okay’ looks he’s ever seen his in life, forcing what he hopes is a suave grin.

“I’m Black☆Star.” 

There’s a brief moment where the gorgeous man just looks at his hand like it’s a particularly curious object, and Black☆Star feels extremely close to passing out. But then thin, pale fingers ( is he a pianist or something? ) grasp his and give a firm shake, and Black☆Star can breathe again. 

“I would say weird name, but mine’s Kid, so who am I to talk?”

The dark-haired man gives him a thin smile, somewhere between polite and exhausted, before falling silent. Black☆Star takes the smile as a good thing and ignores the ensuing pause. Who wouldn’t be exhausted after sitting through so many dull monologues? Maka, maybe, but that’s about it. He can still hear her trying to wake Soul up somewhere behind him.

“So… pretty boring stuff, huh?” 

“What?”

“The funeral. I mean, are all funerals this long and boring? Like, I almost fell asleep about six times.”

“I wouldn’t know, but-”

“Forget the funeral though. We both missed hitching a ride to the wake by sitting around here; wanna go get a drink or something instead?”

A carefully-groomed eyebrow is raised in Black☆Star’s direction.

“Are you suggesting that I come get drunk with you?”

Is that a yes? Fuck. He’s bad at this. 

“Uh.. we don’t have to. I mean we could always go back to my place instead. Or yours. It’s whatever.”

The eyebrow arches still higher.

“My father was buried five minutes ago, and you’re asking me for sex?”

 

_SHIT._

 

* * *

 

“Come with me to this funeral Sunday.”

Black☆Star jams the pause button ( he can’t believe he’s putting _Fight Club_ on hold for whatever the hell this is ) and looks over at his roommate.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” 

Soul groans and begrudgingly pries himself from the couch. He’s a lot more persuasive when he’s doing his best to tower over someone, apparently, and it’s not too hard to dwarf a seated person. 

“Dude, we’ve been over this - Maka’s dragging me along, and I don’t want her to be the only one I know there. Anyone’s allowed to come if they want, can you please just come get drunk at a wake with me?” 

“I don’t even know who this thing is for, man. It’d be weird if I went.”

Black☆Star slumps into the couch cushions and reaches for the remote again, only to have it snatched away from him by Soul.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re coming.”

“And if I don’t?”

“You gotta do the cooking for a week.”

Soul’s won. He knows damn well that Black☆Star can’t cook more than a grilled cheese sandwich without fucking it up. Sometimes he fucks up the sandwiches as well. And with an appetite like his, he’s not gonna risk Soul following through on that threat.

Some best friend this guy is.

“ _FIIIIIIIIINE_. I’ll tag along.”

Soul has the decency to not do a victorious fist-pump, though a brief twitch of the hand says that he was very, very tempted. 

“Thank fucking god.”

“At least tell me who got offed before I sit through two hours of people talking about them?" 

“He wasn't fucking murdered, man. But..... uhhh….. hang on.” 

Tripping on the hem of his pajama bottoms as he dashes off ( “I swear to god you better not be laughing back there!” ) proves no obstacle to the speed with which Soul retrieves his desired item from the depths of their hallway closet. Black☆Star’s admittedly curious about what the hell Soul would be dragging from there - the closet is a receptacle for all the things they either never use or want to forget about, such as three broken keyboards, several illegal fireworks, and gifts from Soul’s ex. Fuck, this had better not be about the ex again.

“Got it!”

He returns triumphantly with a rather large hardback book in hand.

“The hell is that?” 

Without a moment’s hesitation, Soul pushes everything off the coffee table, cursing when he realizes that he’s broken his favorite coffee mug. He dumps the book onto the empty space, open to a two-page spread.

“...Oh my god, is this your yearbook?” 

Soul grins, revealing the jagged teeth he’d gotten by ignoring his mother’s repeated insistence that he get braces. 

“You know it. It’s from college, so you weren’t there, but....” 

His finger trails up the page, landing on a portrait of a broadly grinning old man.

“That’s the dead dude.”

Well, it’s not surprising. The guy looks around 90, all skin, bones, and wrinkles. His smile was probably meant to be a warm one, but he’s skeletal enough that it’s just kind of creepy.  

“Ew.”

“Man, have some respect.”

“What, he looks gross!” 

Soul rolls his eyes and gestures at the title designation beneath the picture.

“He was the dean at my college. I never spoke to him, but he seemed pretty decent. Never married, but apparently he’s got a son? I met him once, but fuck if I can remember his name.”

“Bet it’s something stupid.”

“Any name’s gonna sound stupid when your last name’s Death.”

 

* * *

 

Black☆Star’s had more than his share of fuckups in his life. Crashing Maka’s new car the day after she got it, starting a fight at a football game, breaking into a vending machine, the list goes on for a few miles from there. Hitting on someone at their dad’s funeral is probably a new record for worst fuckup, not just for him, but globally. Maybe this’ll get him into the top ten all-time worst fuckups. Every cloud has a silver lining.

He can feel the sweat drip down his brow as Kid stares him down - god, that’s such a polite ‘go-fuck-yourself’ look. This guy is good.

“Uhh. Wow. Holy shit, I’m sorry.”

No response.

“I didn’t…. realize that you were. Um. His son.”

“And now you know.”

“And knowing is half the battle, right?”

To Black☆Star’s surprise, the outdated meme earns him a brief smile. For a second, he feels relief. Until Kid looks away from him, and rises from his seat.

Black☆Star wants to speak, to apologize or at least ask him to stick around, but those gold eyes are intense enough without their gaze being laced with anger. Kid’s already got his coat on. Too late.

“Wait!”

Kid turning back to look at him without any hint of anger in eyes is a small miracle. Now that he’s got the other man’s attention, Black☆Star suddenly becomes aware of a million little details wrong with his appearance. His tie is half undone, there’s some kind of stain on his collar, his hair probably looks like shit, but his momentary burst of self-consciousness only delays him for a moment.

“Can I at least give you my number?”

They stand there blinking for a good moment. Black☆Star feels himself begin to sweat again. This was a bad idea. Coming to a funeral was a bad idea. Him and social functions go together like bulls and china shops. He's already smashed half the stuff in the metaphorical place, and he's still barreling ahead like he hasn't done enough damage already.

 

“Alright.”

 

Holy shit.

 

He almost drops Kid’s phone when it’s handed to him, and he has to re-enter his number three times because he was too damn elated to remember correctly the first two. Kid takes a quick photo of him for the contact picture, and that’s it. They part with a small wave from Kid and exuberant flailing of the arms from Black☆Star.

“Call me!!!”

“Will do.” 

It's a five mile hike from the cemetery to his apartment, but Black☆Star's smiling ear to ear every inch of the way.

 

* * *

 

Soul doesn't understand why Black☆Star feels the need to thank him for dragging him to a funeral.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i'm writing soul eater fanfic in 2015? possibly the least rewarding venture i've ever attempted but OH WELL 
> 
> i'll probably continue this soonish but i just wanna get this out there into the wide world so here you are. here is my horrible child
> 
> EDIT: nearly a year later, i'm editing these notes to say that i'm obviously not going to finish this fic. but do not lose hope - since writing this, i've polished my writing skills a lot, and i'm writing much more regularly! i've got a whole 46k word fic up now! this fic might be dead in the water, but i've got some really cool projects coming up with much better writing behind them. i hope you'll all check them out!


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